Battlefield Coals

The subtitle of the book "In the Can" (Emmis Books, 2005) announces what it is about: "The greatest career missteps, sophomore slumps, what-were-they-thinking decisions, and fire-your-agent moves in the history of the movies." Whew! what a subtitle!

The authors Lou Harry and Eric Furman choose the biggest critical and commercial duds for many of contemporary Hollywood stars. There are box-office champions (Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Mel Gibson) and master thespians (De Niro, Streep, Hoffman, Lange); there are old favorites (Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino, Jane Fonda, Barbra Streisand) and there are new players (Johnny Depp, Will Smith, Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore).

In their introduction, Harry and Furman first note that James Dean and John Cazale (above) are the only actors to have a perfect record in the movies. Consider:

James Dean- Rebel Without a Cause; East of Eden; Giant

John Cazale- The Godfather Parts I and II; The Conversation; Dog Day Afternoon; The Deer Hunter

Not a clunker for each of them. May I add that Cazale's filmography consists of three best picture Oscar winners, and the other two were nominated in the category (The Conversation and Dog Day Afternoon).

Harry and Furman clarify that they are not out to make a list of the worst films of all time, but one that declares the worst movie for each actor. For example, there is Town & Country for Warren Beatty; Beyond Borders for Angelina Jolie; The Adventures of Pluto Nash for Eddie Murphy; and Waking Up in Reno for Charlize Theron.

Of course, there are the usual suspects: Kevin Costner in The Postman; Jennifer Lopez in Gigli; Demi Moore in The Scarlet Letter; Adam Sandler in Little Nicky; and, naturally, Madonna in Swept Away.

Some of their select entries:

On Michael Keaton in Jack Frost- "Actors: Don't take a role that has you die in the early stages of a film and then brought back as something that doesn't look at all like you. Rarely- and, by rarely, we mean occasional parts of Robocop- will the results be anything but embarrassing."

On Keanu Reeves- "Here's a strategy: If you have a reputation as one of the stiffest actors in movies, perhaps appearing in a movie with even worse actors might help. Problem with that strategy: It doesn't work. Case in point: Johnny Mnemonic...."

On Vin Diesel in The Chronicles of Riddick: "In the case of most actors in this book, there's an expectation of quality- otherwise, how could one be disappointed? Vin Diesel is a different matter."

On the one hand, you might be disappointed that some stars are not included when many A-listers are. Like, where's Leonardo DiCaprio or Susan Sarandon? On the other hand, it is comforting that they do not make this particular list.

"In the Can" also deflates the notion that Brad Pitt and Drew Barrymore have been some of the biggest movie stars in the last two, three decades. On Pitt: "It's hard to give him credit for bringing viewers in to Interview with a Vampire or Seven. Other factors (Tom Cruise; graphic, gimmicky serial killing) held more sway. And when he was paired with other big, big stars [The Mexican, The Devil's Own, Twelve Monkeys, Sleepers], the films actually underperformed." And, of Barrymore: "(She) was more of a cultural icon than an actress for most of her first 20 years."

If you cannot take their word for it, they turn to reviews by critics like John Simon, J. Hoberman, Manohla Dargis, and Kenneth Turan. For example, in their entry for Kevin Spacey, they quote John Anderson from Newsday: "The real problem seems to be that Spacey has caught might be called Kevin Costner-itis - a sense that he thinks he's doing the audience a favor every time he appears on screen. He isn't doing anyone a favor with Beyond the Sea and that, sadly, includes Bobby Darin."

For a book that thrives on actors doing bad movies, it is somewhat surprising that some are mentioned only in passing. No main entries for Dan Aykroyd, Garry Shandling, or Michael Caine, for instance. The book throws in some praise, though, for such players as David Paymer.

Harry and Furman also take note of some guiding principles that Hollywood- and you- should already know about. In the entry for Gwyneth Paltrow, they write of Huey Lewis: "Watching Duets, you start to get an idea as to why smart directors, like Moulin Rouge's Baz Luhrman (sic), use real actors who can kind of sing (e.g., Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor), as opposed to real singers who can kind of act (Neil Young, Tom Petty and Ric Ocasek in Made in Heaven anybody?....)

"In the Can" also notes that TV stars probably ought to stay TV stars, that actors who make bombs will most likely bounce back, and that even the best directors like Martin Scorsese and Billy Wilder can stumble. As for Robert Altman, it is possible to make a flop out of a John Grisham (The Gingerbread Man).

The book, though, could have used some more proofreading. The factual errors are most noticeable, as in spelling (Jon Voigt?) and history (Bruce Davison did not get an Oscar for Longtime Companion- or any other movie).

Harry and Furman claim to have learned a few lessons while doing the book, the biggest one being, "...we can't help but appreciate how hard it must be to make a decent film. Hell, look at all the terrific actors and directors involved in these turkeys. If they can't figure out a formula that always works, then who could?" But when they spend the next 158 pages taking glee at these failures, it is hard to take their word on that one.

Other than that, this is an enjoyable collection of reviews of bad movies, even when you can't agree with a few of the choices.